Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
