I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
