I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did I show you my penis last night?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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