Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
