you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
