We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
