Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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