Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
