You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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