If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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