You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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