dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
