I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
