Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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