I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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