need another drink. this is the easiest way
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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