okay pat passed out under dana's car
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
