You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
