He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
