Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
