sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
