And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
