know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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