Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
