Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
