GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
