My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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