i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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