she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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