i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
