I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got her a Nickelback box set.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
