I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
