id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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