I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
