my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
