I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
