just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
