You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You took a bar mat shot.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
