I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
