whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
