And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You are a genius and a whore.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
