I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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