I hope mine doesn't look like that
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
