I think I died a long time ago.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
