Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
