I'm going to jail i love you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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