I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
