Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
