Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
