i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
