I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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