you mean i was at the winter classic?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
