I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
