She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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