What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My vagina is officially offended.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
