Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
