I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
